Girl on girl

Girls have been on my mind a lot lately.  Not in the fun, naughty kind of way.  But in the catty, bitchy, always passive aggressively fighting type of way.  The nasty comments, the hair pulling, which eventually turns into a fight and next thing you know, people are putting their bets in over which girl is going to win.  Watching girls fight is always more entertaining than watching boys fight.  With boys, you pick the one who's bigger, the one who's stronger, and usually that's your winner.  But girls have secrets.  They don't fight with their fists.  They fight with secret tactics.  They hide blades in their hair and under their tongues.  They fight by starting rumors and shouting matches and wearing sexy outfits.  Their words are their weapons.

It wasn't always like this.  There was a period of time where I shied away from being friends with girls, and mostly throughout college I had mostly male friends but then I realized it wasn't a good idea to have so many (that's for another post).  So after college I redirected my energy toward female friendships and came up against different problems.  I was too different from these girls to cement a friendship connection with them.  The reasons have changed but the problems haven't.  Now that I'm in Seoul, new reasons, but the same problem crops up.

During one of my conversations with Chris, the workspouse, I said I can be friends with just about any girl-- so long as the subject of boys never comes up.  I don't mean me and her competing for a boy, because they has never happened.  What I mean are simple basic questions, that any girl who loves would squeal with delight at sharing with another girl.  Questions like, what's your type?  What kind of guys do you like?  Who was your last boyfriend?  Silly little sleepover questions that scare me because I'm not sure they want to hear the real answer.  And under all that giggling I'm always uncertain if the expectation is for my answer to mirror theirs or if they really just want to hear it.  Mostly it tends to be the former, and there goes a potential friendship down the drain.

The other problem when it comes to being friends with girls and then boys are thrown into the equation is the cattiness that can arrive on the scene.  It's conventional wisdom that most women crave male attention.  It's less conventional wisdom that most women believe they are above average looking.  (I'm guilty of this myself).  So when a male is thrown in, almost any male, even if the male is boy those girls don't want, then it become apparent that those two girls are going to get into a catfight. Yes, it's stupid, and pointless, and immature, and I'm surprised that at almost 30 I am still having to deal with this element but it happens. 

Here's an example: When I first arrived here I went with a friend (let's call her "Alice" and that's so not her name) to a restaraunt, and while on the metro we met a boy, who followed us to the place.  During the conversation Alice asked why he followed us up there to chat, and he said, looking at me, because I saw a beautiful girl on the train and I wanted to say hi. Then the claws came out.  Why are you looking at her?  It's because of her top.  I have more T&A than she does.  She doesn't have standards.  She'd even go as far as date a KOREAN man.  She went on and on, and I decided to cut the evening short, just to hear more of her berating. It didn't make sense.  This boy was a boy I knew she didn't want, so why did it matter if he liked me more than her?  Answer is easy.  It takes attention away.  And this situation has played itself out in several different ways.  Girls who thrive on male attention don't tend to get along with me.
 
But this isn't a new problem.  It's a problem I've had since the third grade.  My theory, and it's a small one, is that there is a certain type of woman who's used to relying on her looks to get her by.  And I'm not talking about beauty queens. Just women who put themselves together in a certain way, who use their sex appeal to get what they want.  You know the type.  The ones who can cut in line at Da Club, or get men to buy them gifts because they're so cute, or cars even.  Those kinds of girls can't stand me.  And one of the reasons might just be the very nature of that attention.  It tends to symbolize a way of thinking that's cutting corners, which in theory there's nothing wrong with, but in a real relationship (whether it be a relationship or a friendship) it's not very useful.  If a woman is used to getting what she wants because of her power or influence, or because she's so fine, what is she going to have to talk about with me?  I don't do that.  And then they think I'm weird and start sending me nasty messages through facebook.

The other theory a boy proposed to me last night.  He said women don't like me because they'd assume I'm not appealing to men, but if a man does find me appealing, there's something wrong with that.  I got what he's saying. The trouble with female friendship is that we're very insecure, and in some ways more vocal about our insecurities.  The friendship may accelerate beyond a pace of what's comfortable, and in essence, I may be forced to kiss up to them even if the admiration is fake.

But those are my thoughts.  Now on to watch some cat fights.